2026 European Tour Recap

Two weeks, five countries, and seven cities later, I am back.

I'm on the last day of my European tour. After two weeks of constant travel, this is the first impulse I've had to write. I completely abandoned my routine of Morning Pages. :{ It wasn't on purpose.

I attempted it a couple of times but it was not appealing to me at all. Why is something I really enjoy doing (nearly) every day for four years just "blah" to me on the road?

Is it because I'm exhausted from traveling?

Am I finally alone enough to process stuff in the moment?

I don't know. But this is one of the reasons why whole-hog stand up tours scare me. I feel like a different person on the road and find it difficult to make stuff/create when I travel. I just want to absorb everything. I lose the drive to create and end up soaking (no, not in the pop culture Mormon use of the term, more like how you need to soak lizards so they can shed their skin, or help evacuate their bowels). I go into consumption mode and out of create mode.

Sitting in the Bristol Airport, waiting to check into my last lodging of the trip, I finally feel the impulse to write.

Reflecting on my trip, I'm filled with wonderful memories of people: the Welsh-Mexican upholsterer at the front desk clerk at the Cardiff Travelodge, long chats with my Scottish friend Zoe, Muslim Uber drivers I asked about breastfeeding my Syrian friend's baby, Irish mammies on the bus constantly telling me to "mind myself", the comics in the green rooms like last night's in Copenhagen: it is all joy. 

The most recent conversation I enjoyed was on the flight here with Dawn, a lovely film director and prolific creator included a conversation about the struggles of the creator economy. I'd not pushed myself to gig as much this last year (compared to previous years). I'd wondered if I was losing my edge. These last two weeks and 11 shows were very validating. It was nice to know I've not "lost it", and comedy is as fun and seamless as it's meant to be.

As much as I enjoy stand up comedy, I'm very hesitant to share my shows online. The main reason is knowing it will further alienate my family from me. And yet if I don't share online, I'll likely have a hard time selling tickets to my shows. Again and again I've confirmed that what people find most interesting about me is my Mormon experience, both having been very devout and then having left it. My still-believing friends and family would find offense in my material.

I don't want the negative feedback, the fighting in the comments, the inevitable wedge created between some very important people in my life. My first benign reference to Mormonism briefly mentioned in a reel a couple of years ago, was immediately met with high arousal comments below the video, and passive aggressive direct messages from friends and family I'd not heard from in years. ;\ Is it worth pissing off my family to share my comedy online? And yet, that is the unique selling point thousands of audience members have confirmed they want to hear about.

Am I a sell out for talking about Mormonism in my shows? or am I under-selling myself by not posting videos online? Am I still bowing to the church I thought I'd left behind? Am I being smart for not putting it all out there? (as I can't call it back once I've sent it out)

My other hesitancy to post videos of my comedy is my relationship with audiences. When I get on stage, I feel a sacred trust with them; they took the time, got out of their house, paid money, and took a punt on a comedy show.

Each audience is a living, breathing organism. I like to sit out in the crowd and listen to comics that go ahead of me because I'm keenly interested in who the audience are, what they find funny, and their general energy. I want them to have the best time possible. I legitimately care about the people who come to my shows. I stand in the lobby as they leave to chat to anyone who wants to chat with me.

I don't know how else to explain it other than to say it feels slutty(?) to share clips from these very special shows I've had. I don't want people who came to my show to feel I used them as a tool. It was real for me. I enjoyed the time together, not because I could exploit it to further my career, but because it was very fun in the moment. The feeling in the room can't be duplicated. I always cringed when friends of mine posted photos on date night with their SO along with a caption about how in love they are and how lucky they are - blah blah blah... GAG. If it's so great why are you milking it for validation? Wasn't it fun enough as is than to use it as a tool to stroke your ego?

Just like I don't post photos of my partner and I on a date and gush about how happy I am, I don't feel compelled to post videos of my stand up as if to say, "See, look how happy I made them! I was hilarious!" Blergh. No thank you.

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I'm not sure there is a point to any of this, but it feels so good to write again. It feels good to replay conversations with my new and old comic friends, exiting audience members, bus drivers, barristas, airport security officers.

Maybe I'd have more success if I posted more of my videos or didn't have jokes about masturbating birds, eating placenta, and the unsettling interest all dogs give to menstruating women. Maybe the Irish mammies know me better than I know me and instinctively told me to mind myself.